17 March 2021
Invitation to the chain smoking workshop!
Our motto: "The best time to quit is always another time!"
Duration: Until the (bitter?) end.
In this life enpooring workshop, we will learn how to continuously increase our cigarette stint over the years - simply by watching ourselves do it while feeling powerless.
In the workshop we use the following tools:
At the beginning of the training we learn how to surrender to social (group) pressures so that we finally belong to the cool guys or the trendy ladies.
We break the initial resistance of our body by forcing it to take in the poison happiness of the cigarette. In our current (adolescent?) phase, we know best what is good for us, and we don't let it get us down. No smoker has ever fallen from the sky (rather the other way around ;-).
We celebrate the first successes together when we experience how our bond with the cigarette strengthens. The sporadic night out/party cigarette has become a permanent part of our everyday life and our constant companion. Let's be aware of our progress! The gradual change could otherwise make us forget them.
We teach ourselves to recognize the cigarette as a panacea for any stress we encounter in our daily lives, thus automating our grip on it. The great thing is, the more we smoke, the faster we get stressed when we don't. A circle of angels!
... is half of life. Refined displacement strategies of our mind can be an important support for us in everyday life. They help us not to even read texts like this one or to move pictures on cigarette packets and other unpleasant thoughts deep into the subconscious. There they can let off steam and rumble away in peace.
In mom-and-pop role-playing games
... we learn to produce further generations of smokers by modeling a smoker's life for our children. In this way, we increase the chance that our children will become smokers themselves, and in turn pass the passion on to their children ... etc. Imagine how proud you will be when one day you catch your child smoking in secret for the first time - and know that you did your part.
... helps us to defend our self-image at the drop of a hat - by reacting to criticism with reflexive offendedness, retreat into the victim role and spontaneous unsympathy towards the critic (who only means ill with us).
Mantra and creativity
Before class starts, we get in the mood for Smoking Day with the mantra "Yes, I know that ..., but ...". We exercise our ingenuity by always coming up with a comprehensible reason for the second part of the mantra.
... and not questioning our own beliefs help us to neither imagine nor want a life without cigarettes. This keeps us going!
Last part: Shovel (please bring along)
In the parallel practical part we learn how to throw money out the open window.
(Please keep the shovel ready for later. It may be used elsewhere soon).
Can't wait to get started? Click here to register.
It pays to be quick: the early smoker catches the cancer!
Oh wait, I see you're already signed up! ;-)
One more sentence about me as an exercise instructor: Years of experience in working with you and your mind enable me to design a program specifically tailored to your needs. I look forward to accompanying you for the rest of your smoking life.
Don't change – and act like it!
Your inner pig dog
Schweini Pig Dog*
"Never change a conditioned system!"
* badly translated from the German "nnerer Schweinehund” meaning your "inner couch potato"