Ask Friedhof
Friedhof Krebs from the German smokers' association "Schwarze Lunge e.V." answers questions about the blue favour in his smoking consultation hour. Here are a few excerpts.
WHEN IS THE IDEAL TIME TO START SMOKING?
The early smoker catches the cancer! There is neither too early nor too late. The right time to start a successful smoking career is always exactly NOW! The important thing is simply to start. You can still stop later, when it starts to scratch somewhere.
DEAR FRIEDHOF, FIRST A HUGE COMPLIMENT. I HAVE BEEN A MEMBER OF THE ASSOCIATION FOR ONE YEAR AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE NEW ISSUE OF "ZÜNDLER" EVERY MONTH. I ALWAYS ENJOY READING YOUR TIPS AND ARTICLES. BUT RECENTLY I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE AND PROMISED MY BAD CONSCIENCE TO STOP SMOKING :( WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Thank you very much for your kind words. They are smoke on my lungs. Unfortunately many smokers know your problem only too well. Carelessly pronounced promises to your conscience or environment can quickly catch up with you. But don't worry, the following tips prove their worth to millions of smokers every day.
Case 1)
The ideal case: Your guilty conscience has known you all your life and knows how your "promises" are meant (namely rather symbolically) and how to deal with them (namely rather not at all). So you have nothing to fear and can breathe a sigh of relief (if your lungs allow it). Your self-esteem will also be at a level where it cannot drop any further. Therefore, continue to be generous with your promises to yourself and your environment, which should know you well by now. A little analogy to the economy: take an example from the central banks. They can also print unlimited money! It's the same with your promises. You are your own central bank! :)
Case 2)
Your guilty conscience is still relatively unsmoked and naive? Then convince it! Because of course you could stop smoking at any time, but ask your conscience why it should be right now. You are surely in a special situation at the moment. The conditions are rather unfavorable and the circumstances are anything but ideal, aren't they? In other words, today is the worst possible time for rash decisions. This also applies to the today of tomorrow. So there is a strong case for postponing your "intention" to a more appropriate date in the distant future. How about a round anniversary or year? Surely you can think of something!
Your guilty conscience is still relatively unsmoked and naive? Then convince it! Because of course you could stop smoking at any time, but ask your conscience why it should be right now. You are surely in a special situation at the moment. The conditions are rather unfavorable and the circumstances are anything but ideal, aren't they? In other words, today is the worst possible time for rash decisions. This also applies to the today of tomorrow. So there is a strong case for postponing your "intention" to a more appropriate date in the distant future. How about a round anniversary or year? Surely you can think of something!
HMM, OKAY, That Sounds Good. THANK YOU. BUT WHAT DO I DO WHEN THE TIME COMES?
Repeat the instructions in case 2 until case 1 is effective. Then repeat case 1 until it no longer matters. Love, your Friedhof.
HOOO, JENNY HERE, HIHI ... SINCE I BECAME PREGNANT, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I'M NOT REALLY UP FOR A CIGARETTE. AFTER THE FIRST PACK IT'S ALL RIGHT AGAIN, BUT IT'S JUST STUPID WHEN RICARDO SMOKES A CIGARETTE IN BED IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE TO OVERCOME MYSELF FIRST. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? WE'RE ALREADY THINKING ABOUT IT.
First of all "hat off" or "box on"! You deserve the respect of the entire smokers' association. After all, you are so committed respectively addicted that you put your passion not only above your own but also above the welfare of your potential child. You are probably a very spiritual person.
OH YEAAH ... WHAT IS THIS?
Already the Bible teaches us that it is good and right to listen to voices in our heads when they ask us to sacrifice our offspring, doesn't it? So intuitively you do everything right. Listen to your nicotine god and sacrifice to HIM your body fruits. Then a place in the smoker's heaven is as good as certain!
UH, TOTALLY COOL. I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. BUT IT'S GOING TO BE SO LONG BEFORE I'M FINALLY DEAD, ISN'T IT? :(
Don't worry, the way I met you, you're on the right track.
HMM, BUT CAN'T I GET A REWARD SOONER?
Also we from the smokers' association think that self-sacrificing maternal behavior like yours deserves special recognition. We advocate that the state issue a certificate to all pregnant women who smoke - in the form of a tattoo on their stomach with the title "Smoking Baby on Board". As a motif I could imagine a baby with a cigarette between the lips, floating on a cloud of smoke in a smoke ring. In this way you and the society will always be reminded of your merits and you can proudly show the tattoo to your asthmatic child from the other side of the belly (if you manage to give birth to it alive).
But, to come back to your real problem: Whenever your hormonal imbalance makes it difficult for you to swallow a cigarette, I have the following tip for you: alcohol is an excellent way to lower your inhibition threshold! Or, as the Rhineland record holder for miscarriages put it, the Kättsche "Jägi" Kölsch: "A cigarette with a beer - I give it a cheer!"
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